Shattering of the Heart
"When energy comes up from the Earth – up from Bubbling Spring in the feet – it reaches the heart.From there it often branches left and right and becomes your wings...your ‘heart wings’. What happens here is that the energy rises to the heart and instead of going up to the next three chakras it is sent to circulate heart energy back down to the body and around again. Your heart may be very concerned with bringing light, help and assistance to the world. But as the energy builds in the heart, there comes a time when we need to take off these ‘wings’ and evolve the heart to the next level – to the throat, third eye and the crown. Then, some say, we truly become a human being. We embrace our totality.
When we let go of these ‘heart wings’ we have the potential to be truly creative. It’s not easy because often a bleakness and an emptiness takes over at first. Despair can even be part of this process. This is the shattering of bonds and patterns and the releasing of the heart and this is a very important experience in our evolution as an intuitive, soulful being. Also, our attachment to our ideology, our teachers, our pathways may seem fake or phony. And sometimes we may even find ourselves in a very dark and alone place. At this moment, your soul is reaching out for you on an octave that it has never done before. You and your soul have let go and are seeking each other. Reach further down inside yourself – your illumination arises from within. The ONLY answer is from the unique self-directed pattern that arises from within. No external authority will ever be able to ferry you across the wasteland. Only you, yourself.
You are now coming to that place called The Jewel in the Lotus. And that jewel is comprised of gentleness. So, during this time in the wasteland, surround yourself with things that nurture gentleness within you –soft rain, beauty, truth and goodness, gentle music, nurturing food and loving people. *You will be tempted to find another teacher, another school, another path – starting your story over again, looking for another set of ‘heart wings’ or something to support a process that you are very familiar and comfortable with. What to do? Follow yourself. Follow and follow deeper. Keep going with it. You may be following pain or ego or anger or fear. Keep going. Where do you go when you reach the bottom...DEEPER.
The more you surrender, the more you go into supreme emptiness. And what is there, after you have come through the tangles of your process, your mind, your emotions... A peace and gentleness you cannot yet imagine. Turn your life over to it and you will discover a new principle in the universe – Gentleness is Power. Out of this Peace will spring the true creativity that you were intended to bring to this planet. Without the releasing of the heart and the allowing of life force to rise, the gentleness that supports this creative process may not occur..."
>> By Whapio, of the Matrona
This is the beginning of a journal prompt from part of my midwifery program, a prompt that I haven't read since 2014, words that struck such a chord in my heart that, with the help of music thrumming in my ears, I entered an altered state and began to write a response to, based on the here and now and what I have been experiencing of-late...
This concept of the Shattering of the Heart speaks to me of the Long Dark Night of the Soul, of Soul-Sickness, of having to overcome the tower shattering, struck by lightning from the dark storm overhead, the shifting of sand under one’s feet, the changing of ideals, relationships, and so on… The Tower card. The Journey card. I have been struggling in this dark place, floundering in a constantly shifting sea, no ground steady beneath me, holding me up. Not knowing which way to go, which path to take, how to overcome the darkness, the sickness in my mind and in my body. Initiation. Trial by Fire.
Constantly thinking that I need to take one more program, get one more certification, to be validated in the eyes of others. The Spirits, the Ancestors, my Disir have called me to this work. They have faith in me. But I have yet to have faith in myself. I struggle as a mother. How then can I lead others into motherhood? I carry the weight of much guilt around mothering. Do I stay, angry and bitter, or do I go? Do I release myself to the four winds to see where they carry me, only to return to my family when I have found my way again? Like the Tower, the Blasted Beech, my world is changing, struck suddenly, what has been built on shifting sand gives way to the sea, to be cleansed.
I must travel to the deep forest, and deeper sea. I must find faith in myself again, I must release my shame and guilt, I must heal myself, I must find the way home again. And I may need to do it alone. For the sake of myself, for the sake of my children and my relationship with them, for the sake of my relationship with my life partner their father, for the women and families I am to serve. How can I lead them up the mountain, through the gateway, if I cannot journey to the depths and return myself? How can I hold space for their transformations if I cannot hold space for my own when it seems too hard, too difficult? That is when it must be done.
I need to finish the journey across the dark waters to the island of mystery, the island of healing and transformation. I must make the trip with no oar-- like in the old tales where one is cast adrift in a coracle and at the mercy of the tides and the currents to land upon the mystic shores, alone, trusting; willing to shed the old and become something new, something transformed, something whole once more.
Be blessed, dear ones.
Be wild, be free.